Pre-baby Kelli: Oh my gosh, babies are so cute. I really, really want a baby. They love to cuddle and smile and laugh at everything! Oh gosh, they’re so squishy! I just wanna smooch their cute little cheeks!
Post-baby Kelli: If my spawn of Satan craps on me one more time, I might actually punch something. Where’s the tequila? I need a drink. Please stop crying. Please. No? Okay. I’ll cry with you. You’re hungry? Again? You just ate like two seconds ago. Why did I do this?
Let’s be honest, mamas — we are some tough effin’ folks. I mean, let’s break it down. We willingly carry a tiny karate ninja in our body for roughly 40 weeks, push their gigantic heads out of our hoohas, and spend endless hours slaving our hearts and bodies to this tiny little version of us. No offense, men, but we get the real MVP awards here.
And you know what makes us the real champions? We do it with a smile. Sometimes a well-deserved mental breakdown. But mostly, a smile.
I’m not gonna lie, there’s been multiple times when I’ve sat in our recliner, rocking Wyatt, begging him to stop crying for just five minutes because I was running on absolutely no sleep, no food, and I think worst of all, no shower. There’s been times where I had fully convinced myself I had gone cuckoo bananas and I was failing as a mother, and I couldn’t do it anymore. My head hurt, my boobs hurt, my back hurt, my heart hurt. This little baby depended on me, and I felt like he deserved better than what I was giving and who I am as a mother. But I was wrong. And every time I think that, I tell myself, and will continue telling myself, that I’m wrong.
I’m here to let any first-time, second-time, any-time mamas that feel like they’re failing know – you are a rock star, and you got this. You are not a failure. You are not screwing up, no matter how much you feel like you are. You are a superstar, and you will make it to tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.
Being a mama ain’t no walk in the park. I’m a milk maid, a pillow, a pee target, a pacifier, the list is endless.. And I wouldn’t trade any of those titles for a thing in the world. Being a mama to my little boy has been the biggest and most amazing blessing I could ever ask for. I thought I knew how to love, or even what love was, but the first time I heard his cry, or saw his chunky face, I knew I had no idea what love was until that moment. And every day that passes, I only love him more. And I’m learning, slowly but surely, to love myself. Because I’m a kickass mom, even if the tiny voice in the back of my head says I’m a screw up.
So, mamas, here’s to us. Don’t let a bad day break you, because there’s always tomorrow. I got this. You got this. We got this. Cry if you need to. Even pop that top and take a big swig if you need to. You earned it. You deserve it.
Here’s my little chunky dude, Wyatt. That little face makes every single thing worth it.