So, lately, I have really been battling with myself. I am not a very vocal person when it comes to defending myself. I will let something make me completely furious inside, but I will sit quietly. And now that I have Wyatt, and people are constantly surprising me left and right with how RUDE they can be, I’m learning that if I don’t stand up for him, and for myself as a mama, then nothing will change. It’s hard for me. I’m not trying to whine, I assure you, but it really is hard for me to speak up. Especially to someone I see as an elder, or someone of authority. A lump forms in my throat and my heart starts to race if I even think of telling them “no” or challenging them in what they’re saying/doing.
It amazes me, though, how blatantly oblivious people can be to “comfort zones” or “personal space.” Like, I really think to myself, “would you want me to say that to you?” or, “would you feel okay if I did that?” It just… It’s crazy.
So I’m going to compile a list of “Do’s and Don’t’s” for when you’re talking to a mama, or a daddy, or anybody with a baby.
Do let Mama, or Daddy, or whoever it is, know that they’re doing a good job. I had my postpartum check up yesterday, and Wyatt was screaming at the top of his lungs the whole time. A nurse came and held him so I could go through my check up, and even though I felt extremely embarrassed, she told me I had nothing to be ashamed of, and that I was doing a good job with my little one.
If you know them personally, do ask if they need anything. Personally, I don’t mind people offering to help around the house. Even if it’s something as small as taking out the trash – it can mean a lot.
Don’t touch the baby unless you have permission from the parent. I am seriously disgusted with how badly I have to emphasize this. On two separate occasions, I have been at an event, and while talking with someone else, I’ve turned to see someone taking Wyatt out of his carrier and holding him – without my permission or even acknowledging me. DO NOT DO THAT. Do NOT reach your hand out to touch my baby. I don’t care if you think he’s cute, I don’t care if he’s smiling at you. Do. Not. Touch. My. Baby.
Don’t make “oh, he’s so small!” or “oh, she’s so big!” comments. I attend a group every Thursday, and I learned that sometimes, even though it may seem harmless to some, others take it very harshly. That baby may have struggled with weight gain and the mother/father has been constantly reminded of it when people comment on the size of their baby. I’m personally not bothered by people commenting on how big Wyatt is. I know he’s big. He’s a fifteen pound two month old. I know he’s big. But be courteous. You don’t know what that little one has gone through to be that small, or be that big.
Don’t argue with Mom, or Dad. If they say no, it means no. I don’t care how many kids you’ve raised, I don’t care that you did this or you did that. This is MY baby, and I will raise him how I want to. You don’t like breastfeeding? That’s cool. You don’t like cosleeping? That’s awesome. You don’t like me holding him 24/7? That’s great. I don’t care. It’s not your place, or you decision, on what goes on with my son. And if they say they want something done, then do it. It’s not up for discussion.
Don’t do something without Mom or Dad’s permission. I mean it. If they didn’t say you could, then don’t do it. Even if it’s something small. If I haven’t given you permission to give my baby something, then don’t do it. Even if you know I’ll say yes. Please, please, PLEASE ask me first.
I know there’s an endless amount of things I could add to this. But for now, this will do.
What do y’all think should be added to the Do’s and Don’t’s? I wanna hear your opinions! What’s something that drives you crazy when it comes to people interacting with your baby?
Until next time, good night!
P.S. My little toot turned two months old yesterday! Sappy tears.